The Mystery of the Missing Fruitcake

CONVERSATION WITH MY MOTHER THURSDAY NIGHT

Mother: How did you like the fruitcake?
Me: What fruitcake?
Mother: The fruitcake I gave you on Christmas Eve.
Me: You didn't give me a fruitcake on Christmas Eve.
Mother: Yes I did.
Me: No, you didn't.
Mother: Yes I did.
Me: When?
Mother: When I walked in the door I handed it to you.
Me: I don't remember that.
Mother: You sat it down on the kitchen table.
Me: I never saw it there, even after the party.
Mother: It was there. I saw it there.
Me: Well, I'll ask everyone else if they saw it.
Mother: Well, it was there.

TELEPHONE CONVERSATION WITH DAUGHTER IN DELAWARE THURSDAY EVENING

Me: Hi Kelly. Do you remember seeing a fruitcake in our house while you were home?
Kelly: No
Me: Not on Christmas Eve? Not ever?
Kelly: No
Me: Well, Grandma says she brought us one and I never saw it.
Kelly: I did see a fruitcake on Grandma's table when we went to say goodbye to her and I commented on it and she said she bought two of them, from a monastary, one for her and one for you. She said she gave it to you on Christmas Eve.
Me: So she says.

CONVERSATION WITH CATIE - FRIDAY MORNING

Me: Have you seen a fruitcake around here anywhere?
Cate: No
Me: Not ever? Not on Christmas Eve?
Cate: No, I never saw a fruitcake

TELEPHONE CONVERSATION WITH HUSBAND FRIDAY MORNING

Me: Hi. This is going to sound weird, but did you see a fruitcake in our house at any time on or around Christmas Eve?
Husband: No, I didn't. And I like fruitcake. I think I'm the only person on earth who likes fruitcake. I would have noticed a fruitcake.
Me: Well Mom says she brought a fruitcake on Christmas Eve.
Husband: I never saw a fruitcake.
Me: Do you think we could have accidently thrown it out?
Husband: You accidently throw gift certificates out that are in bags because they don't weigh anything and you don't know they are in there. You don't accidently throw fruitcakes out.
Me: Well what could have happened to it?
Husband: Are we 100% sure she really brought it?
Me: I think so, she told Kelly she gave it to us two days after the fact.
Husband: Well, whatever.

CONVERSATION WITH SON FRIDAY AFTERNOON
Me: Did you see a fruitcake around here anywhere?
Son: What's a fruitcake?
Me: Nevermind